Sunday, February 19, 2012


I was chilling with one of my close friends and a couple of her girls. One made the comment that she was about to go home, use her bullet and go to bed. They all fell out laughing but the conversation clearly went over my head. So I asked, "What is a bullet?" They laughed again. That's when I figured it out. She was talking about B.O.B. her Battery Operated Boyfriend. I was shocked when each of these girls boldly admitted they had a B.O.B. They furthered explained they loved B.O.B. because he doesn't come with any drama. Ladies, believe it or not, some men think the same way. There have been plenty of times where I have asked myself: Do I really want to go have sex with this girl and deal with all the drama that comes with it? Nah, just let me jack-off in the shower, drink a shot of Hennessey and go to bed. One of the girls went to her room and showed me this baseball bat that she calls B.O.B. Fellas let me tell you, unless you can legally race in the Kentucky Derby, you can can't follow B.O.B! What I have been blessed with does not spin, light up, vibrate, flip, jack-hammer, centipede, cupid shuffle, wobble, nor will it teach you how to Dougie. So, if you've been getting an orgasm from B.O.B. for the last year and a half, what the hell do you expect me to do? Don't get this blog twisted. I'm not down playing my skills; I'm just making an observation. 

As crazy as this may sound, I Iearned the dangers of B.O.B. in the single's ministry at church. The preacher said: toys, pornography, and strip clubs are dangerous and may cause a couple to become unequally yoked. Meaning the couple won't be on the same page. He went on to explain that if you watch pornos, at some point you'll eventually want your mate to perform in a manner that they can't physically or just not open to doing so. This may cause a person to search for these desires outside of the relationship. The toys are simple. Your mate physically can't add up and may enjoy toys more than you. You'll also become spoiled or selfish and may not put in the proper four-play to arouse your mate. This is why you're supposed to be a virgin when you get married so that you won't know anything outside your spouse. Unfortunately, a lot of us missed that train a long time ago. As my grandmother would say, I started being "MANISH" in Jr. High School. Check out some of the lyrics to Raheem Devaughn’s song B.O.B.

[Verse 1]
B.O.B., B.O.B. don't say he miss you
And he don't have lips to kiss you
And he don't have hands to dip your waist
And tell you how good you taste, yeah
See B.O.B., B.O.B. can't serve you breakfast in bed
Oh no (he can't) bathe your body (he can't) rub your feet (he can't)
He can't compete with my love (so tonight) I'm commin over

[Chorus 1]
You need that real type of love (oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah)
That can't be duplicated (I wanna serve you up)
Your body needs to be loved (loved down)
The way that God made it
See B.O.B. can't kiss those thighs (oh no)
B.O.B. can't share your morning rise
B.O.B. can't stay this hard
See I can go harder than him (I'll go longer than him)
Longer than your Battery Operated Boyfriend

After hearing one of my fellow comedians set about vibrators, I asked her to chime in.

Well I usually agree with most women but on this one I gotta agree with my boy Raheem Devaughn. Yeah, it's true that toys do things that a regular penis can't but in the words of Marvin Gaye, "Ain't nothing like the real thing baby". I prefer a whole body on top of me. I don't have time to be manually injecting a big piece of plastic in me all night, hell I got carpel tunnel. I like being pleased orally and getting my toes sucked, you know foreplay. B.O.B. ain't playing with ish! Not only the physical, but I have other major issues with B.O.B. He can’t take out the trash. He ain't buying me ish for Valentine’s Day. Most importantly, his ass doesn’t chip in on the bills! Yeah, the real thing comes with drama, but think of all the $$MONEY$$ you'll save on batteries. Back in the day, I had a B.O.B. I splurged on mine and spent $175. It had a strong vibrating sensation that sent me to an orgasmic bliss. I loved B.O.B. so much I'd take him everywhere with me. I mean EVERYWHERE until it became a problem. One time, I was in the waiting room at the dentist office and my cell phone started vibrating. I got confused, went into my purse and answered B.O.B. I tried to play it off and just started a conversation. I was like, "Hey, how you doing?" People were looking at me like I was crazy. One lady asked me, "What the hell kinda cell phone is that?" Another one said, "Yeah, it's big, long, brown and it doesn't have buttons on it." I'm just saying B.O.B. can embarrass you in public so be careful.

Comedienne Carmen Barton

This was not about the woman who uses B.O.B. as a pacifier. That didn't come out right. When I say pacifier, I mean a temporary fix. A parent gives a baby a pacifier to hold them over until it's time for them to eat. Get your mind out the gutter. This is about anyone who honestly believes that some man made device can actually be a substitution for a human. If I told you I had a blow-up doll at home you would think I was one SICK individual. I'm interested in knowing your thoughts in the comment box below.

 You can also comment anonymously on the link below the box.

Thanks for reading;
Marion Kendrick

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Deal Breaker??? Dating Women w/ Dogs


So we're sitting in the barbershop chopping it up when a dude walks in with a white Shih Tzu. This has got to be the GIRLIEST of dogs. I mean this dog is so girlie, it had a ponytail on the top of its head. One of the barbers asked the guy, "Who does the dog belong to?" He replied, "It's my girl's. I'm watching it until she gets back from visiting her parents." I know some of you ladies are like, "Awwww, that's so sweet!" Not the fellas! They let him have it. Not because he was helping his girl out, but because he walked in the barbershop with the world's most feminine dog! He could have at least taken the ponytail down. Since I didn't get a cell phone pic, check out the one below.


That's when the conversation started--dating women with dogs. To my surprise, a lot of these dudes considered this to be a deal breaker. One guy said he'd rather date a woman with a child than a dog. Today, it's becoming very common to meet women who own dogs. Small dogs are the most popular, like Yorkshire Terriers, Shih Tzu, Chihuahua, Cocker Spaniels, and Poodles. Fellas, if she has a Pit Bull she'll probably rob yo' ass when you're asleep. Me personally, I'm allergic to SOME pet dander. I don't break into hives or anything, but if I don't take a Claritin prior, I may sneeze or get itchy eyes. My experiences hadn't been as bad as some of the guys', but I've had some interesting moments.

Girl #1: During our first phone conversation, I heard her dog bark in the background. I said, "I didn't know you owned a dog?" She said,"Own! Do your parents OWN you? You own slaves! _______ is my child." That should have been a red flag. She explained that she had taken the responsibility of becoming the dog's mother because she took him away from his biological mother. HMMM... So, I finally went over to her crib and took a seat with her on the couch when her "SON" walked out, kneeled and stared at me. She told me he wanted to play. At the time, I wasn't interested in playing with the dog, but more interested in playing with her. Then, she accused me of thinking I was too good to rub the dog and that's when the argument started. Last date.

Girl #2: Unlike Girl #1, Girl #2 didn't want me to become the dog's "new father". Regardless, I had a problem with her DOGGY HYGIENE. One day while walking the dog on the dirty streets of D.C.; he took a dump and whizz in the the bushes, then we returned to her apartment. As we walked back into the house, the dog ran passed us into her bedroom. Now after he'd just finished relieving his bowels and bladder outside, he hopped on the bed, then posted up on the pillows. I just thought to myself, "WOW!" In my Tony Toni Tone voice, "I can't lay my head on your pillow, and just relax, relax." I felt she should have at least bathed the dog before she allowed him to run all over her bed. In my opinion, it was the same as me doing the #2, no wipe, and then sitting on my own pillows.

These were just two of my own personal experiences. So, I picked some of the guys from my Facebook friends and asked about their experiences. Some of these dudes are crazy and I will not post their stories in fear of PETA coming after me! Here are four sensible ones that I could use, even though they wanted to remain anonymous.

Anonymous Male #1 (AM1)
I met a woman who seemed nearly perfect: pretty, smart, and sexually-compatible. I'm considering a long-term relationship with her. I hate chillin' at my place all the time because I have a roommate. So, we chill at her place a lot. Her place is cool, but she has two dogs that she allow to sleep on her bed. I asked her if she could keep the dogs outside of her bedroom when we have sex or sleep next to each other; but, she said if she put them outside they'd annoyingly scratch the door and wouldn't stop. I asked her if she could take them to a dog school to learn not to scratch. That seemed to annoy her. She said her dogs were her babies and she didn't want to change them. These were Labs. She has two, but the largest one always sleeps in the same bed with her. Before sex, she would tell the dogs to get off the bed, but then they would go under it and not leave the room.

I don't want to have an erected penis, making love to a woman with a damn dog watching under the bed. I was afraid of him attacking me or something. Plus, I don't want an audience. When I'm in bed with a woman, I want it to be just the two of us. I told her it was the dogs or me. She chose the dogs. She said she didn't have to ever worry about the dogs leaving her for another woman. If dogs are more loyal, why is it that, when men cheat, they call us dogs'?

Anonymous Male #2 (AM2)
I'd rather date a woman with kids than a dog. Why? Because if she has a child and we go on date, she'll find a babysitter for the night or until we return. The girls I've dated with dogs always had to cut our dates short because the dog was home alone or needed walking. My thing was, why the hell can't the dog wait until we finish our date, then you go and walk him. She explained that her dog was on a schedule and she didn't want to break it. With that being said, she could never spend the night at my house because she always had to go and check on the dog. She asked could she bring the dog to my house? I said, "Hell nawl! I don't do pets like that." I'm no Michael Vick, but I hated that damn dog.


Anonymous Male #3 (AM3)
My girl and I were living together for about two years when she asked if we could get a dog. I thought, "Sure, it's better than [her] asking for a baby." At the time, I didn't know what the hell I had signed up for. After a couple of months, I found myself competing for her attention with the dog. One time we were having sex, and I mean I was laying it down. The dog must have heard her moan and came to the door and started whining. Can you believe this girl stopped and checked on the dog? There have been times she made sure the dog had something to eat before me. Once upon a time, she'd be in the mall and say, "I think this shirt would look nice on my man." Not anymore; it's all about the dog. I think he has more Dallas Cowboy paraphernalia than me. Sometimes I think she surfs the web all day at work just for the dog. Every Easter, she makes a basket for her niece and the dog. Get this, at Christmas, the dog has a stocking and an ornament. One Christmas, her mom invited all of us over for dinner. My girl wanted to bring the dog. Her mom said, "You not about to bring that damn dog around my food." My girl got offended and said she wasn't going. I finally convinced her to go and we all had a good time. It was then that I realized I better hurry up and give this girl a baby before this got out of hand. That Valentines' Day, I proposed; but, guess who gave her the ring? I put it on the dog's collar.

Kevin Sanders (The EXCEPTION)
I never had a dog, but somehow became best friends with my ex's dog. The more I went over, the more he and I spent time together. So, we became "boys" and sometimes we'd even ride out together. I kinda got mad when she got him neutered, though. I thought that meant they were giving him a vasectomy. I didn't know they cut the dog's balls off. That's castration! My boy hadn't been the same since then. Bob Barker says get your pet spayed and neutered. Tell Bob to go to hell!


I know there are some ladies who feel the same about men with pets as well. Also, every woman who owns a pet is not the same. I have a a lot of friends who take good care of their pets. I would like to close with a question for the ladies as well as the men. Ladies, will you allow your love for your pet to come between you and a potential mate? Fellas, is it really a deal breaker when you meet a woman who owns a pet? Please leave your comments and tune in for the next blog Men vs B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriends).

Thanks for reading,
Marion Kendrick

Monday, December 28, 2009

"Reply to the Ambitious Woman"

Thank you all for the responses to my "Do You Really Want an Ambitious Man?" blog. To really understand this blog, you must have read the previous one. A lot of women responded to my inbox saying, "Yeah, but Can a Man Handle an Ambitious Woman (AW)?" I personally am very attracted to an AW; because that means she has goals and does not want to settle for a mediocre life. Also, I've always made it my endeavor to support anyone who is trying to follow their dreams; whether you're a sing, actor, furthering your education, or have interest in owning your own business. It speaks volumes when I see a lady in a business suit and heels from time to time. I think it's kind of sexy. LOL. It tells me she's business-minded, professional, and on a mission. 

I'm speaking on behalf of myself and a lot of guys who wanted remain anonymous. Here's the deal with being in a relationship when the woman is more ambitious than the man. I thought to myself: Who are the two most ambitious and powerful black women in the world? I came up with Oprah Winfrey and Condoleezza Rice. I love me some Oprah and she's one of my top 5 most inspirational people in the world and she's a native of Mississippi. Also, I would never say anything negative about Oprah. I'm stressing this disclaimer because I know Oprah has the power to shut my lil comedy career down. LOL! The fact remains that she and Condi are both SINGLE. When I say single, I mean not married.  Maybe they don't want to be married. I'm not sure why, but I do know their power may intimidate some men. I'm not one of them, but some men have an issue dealing with a woman making more money than them. Think about it! Oprah is the richest black woman in the world. She's a self-made billionaire! Let's throw a hypothetical scenario out there. Let's say Oprah was interested in buying an island in the Caribbean. Then Stedman says, "Baby I don't think this will be a good investment for you." She'll probably listen to his reasoning in the beginning. On the other hand, if she really wants that island, Sted-Muffin can go to hell with his reasoning.  Why? Because she's a self-made billionaire who has been independent for a very long time. How does she look like asking his permission to buy an island if she really wanted it? 

Moving on to Ms. Condoleezza Rice, the former National Security Advisor and Secretary of State for The United States of America. Let's throw another hypothetical scenario out there. So we'll say she's married. Her husband suggests that Condi shouldn't purchase those $2000 Christian Louboutin shoes. I can hear Condi now, "Look fool, I had the power to stop and start wars and now you want to tell me I can't buy some shoes?!"  "You better get a life negro!" LOL. I know what you're thinking. If I'm a millionaire, what do I look like asking my husband can I buy some $2K shoes. Like I said, it was just an example. Now, I don't know these ladies personal business, I only used them as examples as well. Once again--I LOVE YOU OPRAH.  I do not want to end up telling jokes at the gas station. LOL! 


Here's my point. Some guys have to be the bread winner of their household. Unless he's an ambitious man himself, the power ratio is at an offset in his eyes. It's in a man's nature to want to be the sole provider for his family. From a religious stand point, a man should be the leader of his household. I'm not saying whatever he says goes, but you should at least allow him 60% of the decision making.  You shouldn't get involved with a man who you don't trust to lead you and your family; especially if he can't be the spiritual leader. There are also some needy men out there as well. I feel like if a man says that he accepts the fact that his lady has a grind, he has to understand that she's not going to be available all the time. I have two friends who enlightened me on the Needy Man Factor. LOL. Check out their stories:

"I once met this guy around the holiday season. He wanted to take me out, but he never planned in advance. He always called at the last minute. I made it very clear to him that I am a baker/personal chef and the holiday seasons are usually busy for me. I guess after being told no too many times, due to his lack of planning...He told me, "There is no way I was cooking that damn much!"  He assumed I was brushing him off, but that was far from the truth. I told him since he felt that way, he could go to...(well you know where)  :-)  I would have gone out with him if he had made plans and not always waited until the last minute. He showed a lack of respect for me and my business."
~ Anita Benton
Desserts Etc.

 "I've met a few men who say that's what they want, but then when I mention the things I have going on, they're like 'Oh, you don't have time for me." My thing is... I make time for what I want to make time for. A man can't make a statement like that when we initially meet. A.) You don't know that. B.) You just met me. " 
~Theresa Kennedy
Red August Shoes

They went on to tell me this had happened with other guys in the past as well. I also know a lot of female comics-- "comediennes" --who have also conveyed their experience with dating guys who don’t understand their passion and dreams.  Once again, BALANCE is the key to any relationship. There are marriages that have sustained the test of time with the woman being the more ambitious of the two. I watched BET Honors and noted that B. Smith was selected as a guest of honor. Mrs. Smith is a successful entrepreneur with her own chain of restaurants and a TV show. I've provided a link to her acceptance speech and website below. Anyway, within her speech she spoke several times about her husband, Dan, who never wavered in his support for her over the years. So, this proves there are men who can stand by an ambitious woman. I'm sure there are many other couples that I could use for examples. I'm sure she presented her goals and ambition to Dan and he obviously believed in her and vowed to be supportive.  I doubt she rolled up on him and said, " Hey boo, I got some ideas to make us some cheese! You can either roll with me or I'll holla!" LOL.


So, I salute the AW. I guess my question now is: Will the AW allow her man to be the leader of the family? Or will she constantly remind her man of who makes the money and that her dreams bought the house, car, and the dog. I have two songs to go with the blog, Anthony Hamilton's "The Truth" and Goapale's "Closer to My Dreams" for the AW. You gotta listen to the words though. I know I'm about to catch it for all the men in the world :-), but please leave your comments below the videos. Also, click on the share button below for your friends to check out the blog.

Thanks for reading;

Comedian Marion Kendrick

B. Smith Acceptance Speech and Website

Anthony Hamilton - The Truth

Goapale - Closer to My Dreams

Friday, June 12, 2009

Do You Really Want an Ambitious Man?,Marion Kendrick,comedian

First, I would like to congratulate Barack Obama for becoming the first black President of the United States of America. It has always been said that behind every successful man is a strong woman. I believe this to be true in a lot of cases. President Obama has Michelle just as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., had Coretta. Where am I going with this? I hear a lot of women say they want a successful man, but are they willing to be patient and sacrifice time away from him to build his family’s future and to become successful.

Every successful man or woman started with a vision. A person’s vision can be described as his or her goals, dreams, or aspirations. Prior to engaging in a committed relationship you should get an understanding of your mates’ goals in life as well as their vision. Coretta understood and saw Dr. King’s dream and vision. With that understanding she knew it would take countless hours writing speeches, organizing, and participating in demonstrations; while still being the leader of his congregation. Basically, she stood by his side and sacrificed a lot of time to help him change a nation and inspire generations of people after him. I’m quite sure there were difficult times within their marriage, but it lasted until his demise. For some reason, I just can’t imagine Coretta yelling, “Martin, How may times you plan on marching this month?” Every time I turn around you got to be somewhere marching Martin!” “What about me and the kids Martin?” Just think, if she didn’t encourage and sacrifice that time to support Dr. King’s vision, we may not have our 44th President of the United States of America, Barack Obama.

First Lady, Michelle Obama is another example of a lady who understood her man’s vision and supported him. Prior to this historic election; ladies imagine your black husband saying to you, “Honey, I want to be the president of the U.S.A.!” Some of you would have discouragingly and sarcastically said, “Really Barack, Really?!” “Why not turn water to wine while you’re at it!”

Now I ‘m clueless to every detail of running a campaign, but I’m sure it requires a lot of time. President Obama had to spend a lot of days away from his wife and family to become who he is today. Michelle never led him to believe his dream could not be achieved, but she stood by her man and supported him every step of the way. Not once did she say, “Barack how many times you plan to go to Iowa? Didn’t you campaign in Iowa last month?” Mrs. Obama’s diligence and support has allowed her to enjoy the fruits of her husband’s labor and now she sits on the throne as First Lady of our country. This illustrates one supportive woman who believed in her husband’s dream, which inspired another man’s dream whom both have inspired the world.

The point of this blog is not to say; if you let your man spend time away from home he’ll become successful. Balance is the key in any relationship. It’s to make people more conscious of what it really means to supports their mates vision. If you’re someone who needs an excessive amount of time and attention from your mate, then you may not be compatible with a highly ambitious person. There are some people who will only want to live mediocre lives and there are others who will go above and beyond. It’s up to you to decide what you want to in a relationship with someone who wants to go above and beyond. There's nothing wrong with mediocrity, but you must except the person you chose. One should not get involved with someone if you are not interested in supporting his or her goals and aspirations. A successful athlete has a lot of practice, training, and away games. A successful pastor must tend to all the needs of the church and its people. A successful entrepreneur must create business strategies, solicit clients, and network. Last, but not least; a successful COMEDIAN has to write jokes, rehearse jokes, and go the comedy club whether he performs or not for networking purposes. I once dated a young lady who said, “It's not that much comedy to do in the world!” Needless to say; we don’t date anymore. What's the point if your plans are to disrupt my vision? I already know the consequences of being involved with someone who felt neglected because I was GRINDING. Fabolous has song titled Make Me Better. The chorus says “I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together.” He's basically saying he's already on the path to making it happen and you can be that one piece to help him make it there. Inspire and support your mate so that you both can enjoy the success. Make sure you check out my next blog. I'm still trying to decide on the title. It may be "No One is Thrilled by the Chase" or "Sorry, I Don't Want What I Can't Have." Either way you get it.

In closing, if you really want to know what a man on a mission would like from his lady, I encourage you to listen to WORDS of the songs below by Raheem Devaughn -Mo' Better, John Legend- Live It Up, Calvin Richardson- More Than a Woman, and Fabolous- Make Me Better. Click on the link that says, "Play full song here". Please post your comments. Click on comments below the last music box. Thanks!!!

Comedian Marion Kendrick

Raheem Devaughn - Mo' Better

John Legend - Live It Up

Calvin Richardson - More Than a Woman

Fabolous - Make Me Better