Tuesday, October 11, 2011
So we're sitting in the barbershop chopping it up when a dude walks in with a white Shih Tzu. This has got to be the GIRLIEST of dogs. I mean this dog is so girlie, it had a ponytail on the top of its head. One of the barbers asked the guy, "Who does the dog belong to?" He replied, "It's my girl's. I'm watching it until she gets back from visiting her parents." I know some of you ladies are like, "Awwww, that's so sweet!" Not the fellas! They let him have it. Not because he was helping his girl out, but because he walked in the barbershop with the world's most feminine dog! He could have at least taken the ponytail down. Since I didn't get a cell phone pic, check out the one below.
That's when the conversation started--dating women with dogs. To my surprise, a lot of these dudes considered this to be a deal breaker. One guy said he'd rather date a woman with a child than a dog. Today, it's becoming very common to meet women who own dogs. Small dogs are the most popular, like Yorkshire Terriers, Shih Tzu, Chihuahua, Cocker Spaniels, and Poodles. Fellas, if she has a Pit Bull she'll probably rob yo' ass when you're asleep. Me personally, I'm allergic to SOME pet dander. I don't break into hives or anything, but if I don't take a Claritin prior, I may sneeze or get itchy eyes. My experiences hadn't been as bad as some of the guys', but I've had some interesting moments.
Girl #1: During our first phone conversation, I heard her dog bark in the background. I said, "I didn't know you owned a dog?" She said,"Own! Do your parents OWN you? You own slaves! _______ is my child." That should have been a red flag. She explained that she had taken the responsibility of becoming the dog's mother because she took him away from his biological mother. HMMM... So, I finally went over to her crib and took a seat with her on the couch when her "SON" walked out, kneeled and stared at me. She told me he wanted to play. At the time, I wasn't interested in playing with the dog, but more interested in playing with her. Then, she accused me of thinking I was too good to rub the dog and that's when the argument started. Last date.
Girl #2: Unlike Girl #1, Girl #2 didn't want me to become the dog's "new father". Regardless, I had a problem with her DOGGY HYGIENE. One day while walking the dog on the dirty streets of D.C.; he took a dump and whizz in the the bushes, then we returned to her apartment. As we walked back into the house, the dog ran passed us into her bedroom. Now after he'd just finished relieving his bowels and bladder outside, he hopped on the bed, then posted up on the pillows. I just thought to myself, "WOW!" In my Tony Toni Tone voice, "I can't lay my head on your pillow, and just relax, relax." I felt she should have at least bathed the dog before she allowed him to run all over her bed. In my opinion, it was the same as me doing the #2, no wipe, and then sitting on my own pillows.
These were just two of my own personal experiences. So, I picked some of the guys from my Facebook friends and asked about their experiences. Some of these dudes are crazy and I will not post their stories in fear of PETA coming after me! Here are four sensible ones that I could use, even though they wanted to remain anonymous.
Anonymous Male #1 (AM1)
I met a woman who seemed nearly perfect: pretty, smart, and sexually-compatible. I'm considering a long-term relationship with her. I hate chillin' at my place all the time because I have a roommate. So, we chill at her place a lot. Her place is cool, but she has two dogs that she allow to sleep on her bed. I asked her if she could keep the dogs outside of her bedroom when we have sex or sleep next to each other; but, she said if she put them outside they'd annoyingly scratch the door and wouldn't stop. I asked her if she could take them to a dog school to learn not to scratch. That seemed to annoy her. She said her dogs were her babies and she didn't want to change them. These were Labs. She has two, but the largest one always sleeps in the same bed with her. Before sex, she would tell the dogs to get off the bed, but then they would go under it and not leave the room.
I don't want to have an erected penis, making love to a woman with a damn dog watching under the bed. I was afraid of him attacking me or something. Plus, I don't want an audience. When I'm in bed with a woman, I want it to be just the two of us. I told her it was the dogs or me. She chose the dogs. She said she didn't have to ever worry about the dogs leaving her for another woman. If dogs are more loyal, why is it that, when men cheat, they call us dogs'?
Anonymous Male #2 (AM2)
I'd rather date a woman with kids than a dog. Why? Because if she has a child and we go on date, she'll find a babysitter for the night or until we return. The girls I've dated with dogs always had to cut our dates short because the dog was home alone or needed walking. My thing was, why the hell can't the dog wait until we finish our date, then you go and walk him. She explained that her dog was on a schedule and she didn't want to break it. With that being said, she could never spend the night at my house because she always had to go and check on the dog. She asked could she bring the dog to my house? I said, "Hell nawl! I don't do pets like that." I'm no Michael Vick, but I hated that damn dog.
Anonymous Male #3 (AM3)
My girl and I were living together for about two years when she asked if we could get a dog. I thought, "Sure, it's better than [her] asking for a baby." At the time, I didn't know what the hell I had signed up for. After a couple of months, I found myself competing for her attention with the dog. One time we were having sex, and I mean I was laying it down. The dog must have heard her moan and came to the door and started whining. Can you believe this girl stopped and checked on the dog? There have been times she made sure the dog had something to eat before me. Once upon a time, she'd be in the mall and say, "I think this shirt would look nice on my man." Not anymore; it's all about the dog. I think he has more Dallas Cowboy paraphernalia than me. Sometimes I think she surfs the web all day at work just for the dog. Every Easter, she makes a basket for her niece and the dog. Get this, at Christmas, the dog has a stocking and an ornament. One Christmas, her mom invited all of us over for dinner. My girl wanted to bring the dog. Her mom said, "You not about to bring that damn dog around my food." My girl got offended and said she wasn't going. I finally convinced her to go and we all had a good time. It was then that I realized I better hurry up and give this girl a baby before this got out of hand. That Valentines' Day, I proposed; but, guess who gave her the ring? I put it on the dog's collar.
Kevin Sanders (The EXCEPTION)
I never had a dog, but somehow became best friends with my ex's dog. The more I went over, the more he and I spent time together. So, we became "boys" and sometimes we'd even ride out together. I kinda got mad when she got him neutered, though. I thought that meant they were giving him a vasectomy. I didn't know they cut the dog's balls off. That's castration! My boy hadn't been the same since then. Bob Barker says get your pet spayed and neutered. Tell Bob to go to hell!
I know there are some ladies who feel the same about men with pets as well. Also, every woman who owns a pet is not the same. I have a a lot of friends who take good care of their pets. I would like to close with a question for the ladies as well as the men. Ladies, will you allow your love for your pet to come between you and a potential mate? Fellas, is it really a deal breaker when you meet a woman who owns a pet? Please leave your comments and tune in for the next blog Men vs B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriends).
Thanks for reading,
Posted by Marion Kendrick at 9:16 PM