Monday, December 28, 2009

"Reply to the Ambitious Woman"

Thank you all for the responses to my "Do You Really Want an Ambitious Man?" blog. To really understand this blog, you must have read the previous one. A lot of women responded to my inbox saying, "Yeah, but Can a Man Handle an Ambitious Woman (AW)?" I personally am very attracted to an AW; because that means she has goals and does not want to settle for a mediocre life. Also, I've always made it my endeavor to support anyone who is trying to follow their dreams; whether you're a sing, actor, furthering your education, or have interest in owning your own business. It speaks volumes when I see a lady in a business suit and heels from time to time. I think it's kind of sexy. LOL. It tells me she's business-minded, professional, and on a mission. 

I'm speaking on behalf of myself and a lot of guys who wanted remain anonymous. Here's the deal with being in a relationship when the woman is more ambitious than the man. I thought to myself: Who are the two most ambitious and powerful black women in the world? I came up with Oprah Winfrey and Condoleezza Rice. I love me some Oprah and she's one of my top 5 most inspirational people in the world and she's a native of Mississippi. Also, I would never say anything negative about Oprah. I'm stressing this disclaimer because I know Oprah has the power to shut my lil comedy career down. LOL! The fact remains that she and Condi are both SINGLE. When I say single, I mean not married.  Maybe they don't want to be married. I'm not sure why, but I do know their power may intimidate some men. I'm not one of them, but some men have an issue dealing with a woman making more money than them. Think about it! Oprah is the richest black woman in the world. She's a self-made billionaire! Let's throw a hypothetical scenario out there. Let's say Oprah was interested in buying an island in the Caribbean. Then Stedman says, "Baby I don't think this will be a good investment for you." She'll probably listen to his reasoning in the beginning. On the other hand, if she really wants that island, Sted-Muffin can go to hell with his reasoning.  Why? Because she's a self-made billionaire who has been independent for a very long time. How does she look like asking his permission to buy an island if she really wanted it? 

Moving on to Ms. Condoleezza Rice, the former National Security Advisor and Secretary of State for The United States of America. Let's throw another hypothetical scenario out there. So we'll say she's married. Her husband suggests that Condi shouldn't purchase those $2000 Christian Louboutin shoes. I can hear Condi now, "Look fool, I had the power to stop and start wars and now you want to tell me I can't buy some shoes?!"  "You better get a life negro!" LOL. I know what you're thinking. If I'm a millionaire, what do I look like asking my husband can I buy some $2K shoes. Like I said, it was just an example. Now, I don't know these ladies personal business, I only used them as examples as well. Once again--I LOVE YOU OPRAH.  I do not want to end up telling jokes at the gas station. LOL! 


Here's my point. Some guys have to be the bread winner of their household. Unless he's an ambitious man himself, the power ratio is at an offset in his eyes. It's in a man's nature to want to be the sole provider for his family. From a religious stand point, a man should be the leader of his household. I'm not saying whatever he says goes, but you should at least allow him 60% of the decision making.  You shouldn't get involved with a man who you don't trust to lead you and your family; especially if he can't be the spiritual leader. There are also some needy men out there as well. I feel like if a man says that he accepts the fact that his lady has a grind, he has to understand that she's not going to be available all the time. I have two friends who enlightened me on the Needy Man Factor. LOL. Check out their stories:

"I once met this guy around the holiday season. He wanted to take me out, but he never planned in advance. He always called at the last minute. I made it very clear to him that I am a baker/personal chef and the holiday seasons are usually busy for me. I guess after being told no too many times, due to his lack of planning...He told me, "There is no way I was cooking that damn much!"  He assumed I was brushing him off, but that was far from the truth. I told him since he felt that way, he could go to...(well you know where)  :-)  I would have gone out with him if he had made plans and not always waited until the last minute. He showed a lack of respect for me and my business."
~ Anita Benton
Desserts Etc.

 "I've met a few men who say that's what they want, but then when I mention the things I have going on, they're like 'Oh, you don't have time for me." My thing is... I make time for what I want to make time for. A man can't make a statement like that when we initially meet. A.) You don't know that. B.) You just met me. " 
~Theresa Kennedy
Red August Shoes

They went on to tell me this had happened with other guys in the past as well. I also know a lot of female comics-- "comediennes" --who have also conveyed their experience with dating guys who don’t understand their passion and dreams.  Once again, BALANCE is the key to any relationship. There are marriages that have sustained the test of time with the woman being the more ambitious of the two. I watched BET Honors and noted that B. Smith was selected as a guest of honor. Mrs. Smith is a successful entrepreneur with her own chain of restaurants and a TV show. I've provided a link to her acceptance speech and website below. Anyway, within her speech she spoke several times about her husband, Dan, who never wavered in his support for her over the years. So, this proves there are men who can stand by an ambitious woman. I'm sure there are many other couples that I could use for examples. I'm sure she presented her goals and ambition to Dan and he obviously believed in her and vowed to be supportive.  I doubt she rolled up on him and said, " Hey boo, I got some ideas to make us some cheese! You can either roll with me or I'll holla!" LOL.


So, I salute the AW. I guess my question now is: Will the AW allow her man to be the leader of the family? Or will she constantly remind her man of who makes the money and that her dreams bought the house, car, and the dog. I have two songs to go with the blog, Anthony Hamilton's "The Truth" and Goapale's "Closer to My Dreams" for the AW. You gotta listen to the words though. I know I'm about to catch it for all the men in the world :-), but please leave your comments below the videos. Also, click on the share button below for your friends to check out the blog.

Thanks for reading;

Comedian Marion Kendrick

B. Smith Acceptance Speech and Website

Anthony Hamilton - The Truth

Goapale - Closer to My Dreams