First, I would like to congratulate Barack Obama for becoming the first black President of the United States of America. It has always been said that behind every successful man is a strong woman. I believe this to be true in a lot of cases. President Obama has Michelle just as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., had Coretta. Where am I going with this? I hear a lot of women say they want a successful man, but are they willing to be patient and sacrifice time away from him to build his family’s future and to become successful.
Every successful man or woman started with a vision. A person’s vision can be described as his or her goals, dreams, or aspirations. Prior to engaging in a committed relationship you should get an understanding of your mates’ goals in life as well as their vision. Coretta understood and saw Dr. King’s dream and vision. With that understanding she knew it would take countless hours writing speeches, organizing, and participating in demonstrations; while still being the leader of his congregation. Basically, she stood by his side and sacrificed a lot of time to help him change a nation and inspire generations of people after him. I’m quite sure there were difficult times within their marriage, but it lasted until his demise. For some reason, I just can’t imagine Coretta yelling, “Martin, How may times you plan on marching this month?” Every time I turn around you got to be somewhere marching Martin!” “What about me and the kids Martin?” Just think, if she didn’t encourage and sacrifice that time to support Dr. King’s vision, we may not have our 44th President of the United States of America, Barack Obama.
First Lady, Michelle Obama is another example of a lady who understood her man’s vision and supported him. Prior to this historic election; ladies imagine your black husband saying to you, “Honey, I want to be the president of the U.S.A.!” Some of you would have discouragingly and sarcastically said, “Really Barack, Really?!” “Why not turn water to wine while you’re at it!”
Now I ‘m clueless to every detail of running a campaign, but I’m sure it requires a lot of time. President Obama had to spend a lot of days away from his wife and family to become who he is today. Michelle never led him to believe his dream could not be achieved, but she stood by her man and supported him every step of the way. Not once did she say, “Barack how many times you plan to go to Iowa? Didn’t you campaign in Iowa last month?” Mrs. Obama’s diligence and support has allowed her to enjoy the fruits of her husband’s labor and now she sits on the throne as First Lady of our country. This illustrates one supportive woman who believed in her husband’s dream, which inspired another man’s dream whom both have inspired the world.
The point of this blog is not to say; if you let your man spend time away from home he’ll become successful. Balance is the key in any relationship. It’s to make people more conscious of what it really means to supports their mates vision. If you’re someone who needs an excessive amount of time and attention from your mate, then you may not be compatible with a highly ambitious person. There are some people who will only want to live mediocre lives and there are others who will go above and beyond. It’s up to you to decide what you want to in a relationship with someone who wants to go above and beyond. There's nothing wrong with mediocrity, but you must except the person you chose. One should not get involved with someone if you are not interested in supporting his or her goals and aspirations. A successful athlete has a lot of practice, training, and away games. A successful pastor must tend to all the needs of the church and its people. A successful entrepreneur must create business strategies, solicit clients, and network. Last, but not least; a successful COMEDIAN has to write jokes, rehearse jokes, and go the comedy club whether he performs or not for networking purposes. I once dated a young lady who said, “It's not that much comedy to do in the world!” Needless to say; we don’t date anymore. What's the point if your plans are to disrupt my vision? I already know the consequences of being involved with someone who felt neglected because I was GRINDING. Fabolous has song titled Make Me Better. The chorus says “I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together.” He's basically saying he's already on the path to making it happen and you can be that one piece to help him make it there. Inspire and support your mate so that you both can enjoy the success. Make sure you check out my next blog. I'm still trying to decide on the title. It may be "No One is Thrilled by the Chase" or "Sorry, I Don't Want What I Can't Have." Either way you get it.
In closing, if you really want to know what a man on a mission would like from his lady, I encourage you to listen to WORDS of the songs below by Raheem Devaughn -Mo' Better, John Legend- Live It Up, Calvin Richardson- More Than a Woman, and Fabolous- Make Me Better. Click on the link that says, "Play full song here". Please post your comments. Click on comments below the last music box. Thanks!!!
Comedian Marion Kendrick
www.MarionKendrick.com
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Raheem Devaughn - Mo' Better
John Legend - Live It Up
Calvin Richardson - More Than a Woman
Fabolous - Make Me Better
Kudos, Mr. Kendrick... very well written! I enjoyed reading your perspective but I think the more pressing question here would be: Can an ambitious man handle a strong woman? For these women are in a league of their own. The strength of Michelle and Coretta has been well documented, both, fundamentally and historically. They supported their husbands but support is a very small part of the equation. I support the neighborhood drunk when I put a dollar in his cup. So what? I have no concern for his ambition... even if that ambition includes the liquor store. Lol. Ultimately, it is about belief… belief in yourself, your mate, what the two of you have established and what you endeavor to achieve individually and as a couple. When you understand the vision, the support will come in floods. When you believe in someone, it will be evident in all that you do. Miracles happen every day when people believe… Peter walked on water simply because he believed.
ReplyDelete-K
Great read Marion! I will be looking for the next one soon! Good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Marion…I really enjoyed your post. I think it’s incredibly important for partners to support each other in the way you described, so they can reach individual and mutual goals. With any relationship, there will be a fair amount give and take, but it’s great to have incredible examples of married folks who have really sacrificed for one another and held each other down while accomplishing great things.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny...I was just talking to the gentleman I am dating about this very subject. As women, we are great nuturers but we also have to battle with the desire to be nutured by our man. When a woman dates an ambitious or driven (as I like to call it) man, there are definitely sacrifices that have to be made by both parties. I feel that a solid foundation of love,trust and respect must be present in order to maintain the relationship. From my experience thus far, it can sometimes be frustrating and challenging but remember that those same qualities about him are what won you over in the first place:0) Great blog Marion!!
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say...but EXCELLENT writing.
ReplyDeleteMarion...where did you copy and paste this from? That was a refreshing read bro!
ReplyDeleteDemetrius
Your blog was a great reminder to me as a wife...I need to be more supportive and encouraging to my husband. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteMarion,
ReplyDeleteYes, I really want an ambitious man. I am willing to be supportive while he builds his empire. In turn, I would really like him to be willing to support me as I climb the corporate ladder (or whatever it is that I end up doing because, hey, it might change). And, I'd prefer not to be like "Bernadette" on "Waiting to Exhale"..."11 years out of my life; besides the kids I have nothing to show..." See, I'm not really interested in putting my dreams on hold to support my man and, as Kanye says, "When he get on, he leave yo' a$$ for a [white] girl" (or any girl at that). So, as Ashannti eloquently articulated, "With any relationship, there will be a fair amount of give and take." A relationship can be successful, and each person can have individual and mutual success, as long as there, too, is mutual respect, adoration, support, love, and trust. :-)
Well said!....Not only are you a great Comedian you are also a talented writer!...I'm looking forward to the next one.
ReplyDeleteGood Job...great points...A lot of women say they want an ambitious man but they're not willing to make the sacrifices it takes to be with that man. I even have to look at myself and figure out how willing I'd be to make some of those sacrifices. I would definitely have to share the vision. If my man came to me saying he wanted to be the next Jay Z at the age of 35 with no rapping skills I'd have a hard time jumping behind his vision. I'd also have a hard time sacrificing to support the vision of a man who would not it turn support me in my own vision. I have a hard time seeing myself waiting around for my man to chase his dreams while putting my dreams on hold. Maybe that's why my behind is single! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Marion,
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear you say this because I feel that this is something that black men sometimes have a hard time with also. Sometimes men feel like they need to already be successful before they are ready to settle down. I understand that this is part of a man's DNA to want to provide but I always try to tell black men that having a good women who stands by you is exactly what you need in order to go to the next level and that they will be better off.
So, I want black men to start realizing that having jumpoffs and baby mamas so that you maintain your independence isn't necessarily going to help you be more successful in the long run. But if you choose a strong women that will back you up and support you then that is a sure thing.
Great read! I agree with your sentiments. Every force needs to be cultivated to thrive. There is nothing wrong in having patience, diligence, hope, and aspiration with your mate. There are too many arrangements and not enough relationships today. I was always told that there are three components that make up a relationship e.g. communication, intimacy, and finances. Very seldomly, will you find a mate that has all three so we have a tendency to settle and supplement as needed.
ReplyDeleteHey Marion,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your post. I think most women whether they admit it or not wants am ambitious man. I am currently single and I met this guy who is on the road to becoming a very successful man. So I asked the question, why are you still single? His response was that most women can't deal with the time that he spends away making his business grow. I know from personal experience that men need the support and encouragement from their significant other. As black women we have to learn this about our men. We can not sit back and wonder why they marry women of other races, when we are not being the women they need. Thanks Marion for putting your own personal experience out there. I hope this makes it real for some women. We have to understand the needs of our mates. I learned this fact the hard way from a lot failed relationships, but I learned.
Great Post
Marion, excellent read!!! One of the most important things to do before getting too involved with a person is to find out his or her dreams and goals and to communicate yours also. I do feel that alot of men and women say that they want one thing, but find that they are not truly willing to sacrifice to get it. Great writing! I am looking forward to the next post.
ReplyDeleteI think a select few can handle a man that is really and truly ambitious. I travel a lot and just about everywhere. Needless to say I get the "Oh its time for you to go again tone". If you have everything in the world {healthy fam, house, car and in today's market a job and a man with a job, vacation and can afford to take one} what is with all the belly aching. I think in theory, books, and Lifetime an ambitious man looks great. HOWEVER, reality is another discussion along with the what if questions, not to mention the advice of others. The next blog should be if a woman is to blessed does she still complain.
ReplyDeleteGreat read Marion. I didn't even know you could write with so much heart. :)
ReplyDeleteI love when people talk about if women are ready for a successful black man. Why don't people talk about how Martin and Barack had to learn how to be a good man to keep their women. These women were not just some chicken-heads who couldn't make it on their own. They didn't NEED these men, they WANTED them in thier lives. They didn't just do what their men told them just becasue they were men, they did it because they also believe in their cause. I am sure there were dreams and desires these men had that their wives were like, "that's not a good idea boo."
I think some men are lost because they watch Michell and Coretta and think they will find a wife and she will do whatever their husband says do. I think any man who thinks this lie grew up in a 1 parent household. My parents have been married for over 40 years and my dad is amazing in his career. I know my mother is the ultimate wife but don't get it twisted, he doesn't make many BIG decisions without my moms input. It is a team effort in a marriage.
I think a select few women can handle a man that is really and truly ambitious. I travel a lot and just about everywhere. I always get that "are you leaving again tone". It kills me. If you have everything {healthy family, house, car, vacations} why all the belly aching. In theory every woman wants a man that can and will provide for the family significantly. REALITY leaves me to believe that women are often content with Average Joe. AM {"AMBITIOUS MAN"} looks good only on Life Time.
ReplyDeleteIf a woman can't support her man being successful or striving to be that means she isn't trying to do anything with her life so there is no way she can ever understand your struggles. Been through that myself so I can say that goes for both men and women, but hey it's his loss( in my case hers for you) cause now I'm making it big (you doing it even bigger lol) and I'm not sleeping on a air mattress any more THANK GOD!
ReplyDeleteWhy do men think all women need is their money?? Do you know that women need you EMOTIONALLY also? Anonymous (at 10:13am) said "If you have everything {healthy family, house, car, vacations} why all the belly aching". I bet you $100 he is still single. DO you ever take your woman on a trip with you and let her just sit by the pool? WHen you come home are you so tired you all can't even do a movie? I do want my man to be the head of the household but he needs to want to spend some quality time with me.
ReplyDeleteIndeed brotha! It's all about the vision! As long as we stay focused on that, the rest will work itself out...even when it doesn't appear as such.
ReplyDeleteMarion...It's good to know that your education hasn't gone to waste...A beautful read from a beautiful person...And to answer that question; Yes every woman wants a man with a vision, however we don't want to be left behind in it...will tend to support men through all the good and bad, we just want to be recognized along the way....let us know that we are apart of your vision and you will have a woman that will never leave but the very moment you forget...is the very moment she loses the vision....Marsha Cooks
ReplyDeleteExcellent job Marion...Thank you for putting it out there for the women who are ridiculed by other women for simply supporting their mate.
ReplyDeleteHey Marion,
ReplyDeleteI found this to be exceptionally thought provoking. For starters, I can appreciate a man in this day and age wanting to be successful in his own right. I can’t tell you the amount of horror stories I hear of men wanting to "live off" of a woman's finances, and ride on the coat tail of her success. On a personal note, I would be 100% supportive of helping my mate ascertain his life long goals; spiritually and financially. I would be willing to be his #1 cheerleader, willing to do whatever was need to be his support system. Speaking from experience I understand this is not always a not an easy task. For example duties one may incur include: being his personal secretary/ assistant, errand girl, public relations, marketer, sounding board, event coordinator, creative team, the list goes on! Did I leave out nurturing the ego that comes with the territory! The most important detail that you mentioned is "COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP" This alone speaks volumes.
It should mean that when he is out late or away from home he is taking care of business! There are some men who use work or their drive as a scape goat to foster "escapades with almost every woman that they find attractive, who’s willing to give them the time of day :)! Other than that it’s to be expected that if you want him making money he CAN NOT spend all of his time with you! All in all if a brother is handling his business, faithful, loving his mate when time permits.. He deserves to be supported, greet him wearing his favorite heels, a beer and well you know the rest!!! When he does get home... The last thing he wants is a fight at home when he's been out fighting the world all day! Bottom line; in love it’s all about give and take. Love and live unselfishly with your mate. The more successful he is the more comfortable life should be for both of you! SO WHY NOT HELP HIM GET TO THE TOP!
Wow! I think your blog is very insightful. Thanks for sharing! It does take a lot to support an ambitious Black man so while we may know what we're getting ourselves into...don't forget to rub our feet on one of those nights you get to come home early.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog Marion!!! I liked your perspective. I wonder though, how many men will be willing to do the same thing for their mate? Or what about a woman who's seeking her own career advancements? Should she give them up to support her husband and see his dreams to fruition, while hers fester? I totally agree that it takes a really special lady to support her guy....totally, especially when the nights are looong and lonely. But I think most women would stand by their man if he makes sure she gets a little attention here and there. It's usually when we feel neglected that we start acting an ass. We're human, we have needs and desires to, but I think men forget that sometimes when they are "focused". Somewhere we have to find balance. Again great read!!! Keep 'em coming. AND yes, if Barack had been my man I would have said.."Come on Barack. Reeeeaaallly? Get the F%$# out of here!!!"
ReplyDeleteIt's usually when we feel neglected that we start acting an ass. We're human, we have needs and desires to, but I think men forget that sometimes when they are "focused". Somewhere we have to find balance
ReplyDelete***AND THE CHURCH SAID AMEN!! BALANCE !!!!
SUPPORT W/O A COMMITMENT :)
Marion,
ReplyDeleteWell written... I completely agree with your sentiments expressed in this piece. I think as both men and women with these type of mates that communication must be continuous and flowing, that's the true key to surival. I speak from a little experience when I say it's the little things that matter the most and it's those little twerks that keep relationships strong. I cannot wait to read the next one! Keep up the excellence. I am really proud of you!
Do ya thang boy! I look forward to your next entry.
ReplyDeleteGreat Blog. I am always moved when I witness a brother communicating instead of avoiding situations. We all want the perfect thing we say...It's always how someone didn't support us or wronged us but the fact is that we all are responsible for the decay of the black family and our support systems. One because we don't appreciate each other as brother and sister. We run game on this male/female or show no effort then when we experience the same thing in return now we have been wronged. Now nobody supports us. What we need to realize is that there is a bank of life(Karma) and what we put in our accounts is what we are able to withdraw. You can't go to a bank and make a withdrawl without making a deposit but we go to our significant other (and families) repeatedly and withdraw funds sex, love, money that we have not yet earned. And what I have found is that always leads to insufficent funds.
ReplyDeleteHi Marion,
ReplyDeleteAll of what you said is so true. A lot of people really don't understand these points in a relationship like you stated "make me better". I think it is really awesome that you are blogging on topics like this because that is where a legacy begins its with the support of the ones closest to you.
I don't think there is a woman who doesn't like ambitious men!!
ReplyDelete