Before I start, I'd like to say that children are a blessing from God and I don't take my blessings for granted. I love each of my kids and couldn't imagine my life without them. I still have to admit, it took some time for me to mentally accept I was having another child in my mid-40s. I blame the pandemic. It's hard to stay focused when couples are working from home and your wife walking around in her nighty. As a man, I forgot I was still playing with a loaded gun. A year prior, I scheduled an appointment for a vasectomy, but as the day for the procedure got closer, I chickened out. After finding out baby number 3 was on the way, I HAD TO MAN UP and get this procedure done. It was not easy. The biggest concerns for me were, "How much pain will I be in afterwards? and "Will my SWORD work the same?" I documented my journey to a vasectomy and decided to share it in a blog. So here it is!
Where's the Red Light?
It was March 24, 2022. I remember the date exactly because my dad was coming to visit for his birthday that weekend. I was conditioning the recliners in my man cave when my wife walked in with a nervous smile. She said, “We need to talk.” My mind went to racing. What in the hell could this be about? Why didn’t I think it was something like she had been laid off from her job? Because I’m the husband who watches the trash can beside the toilet. If I don’t see a little plastic wrapper rolled up inside of it, that means I have a green light for my husbandly desires. But the light had been green way too long. Traffic not supposed to be good. A red light should have come by now. Anyway, I got quiet and kept conditioning the chair. Then she said it. The words that I didn't want to hear: “I think I’m pregnant.” I asked if she had taken a test and she told me "no". She reminded me that she’s been pregnant before, knew what it felt like, and traffic had been good. I wish I could tell you I picked her up and swung her round in a circle like an episode of This is Us. This wasn’t that episode. This wasn't that show. I went into a mental shock, sat in one of the recliners, and began to think very hard. She then asked me if I was going to say something. I told her I need to process this. So, she walked out of the room and went downstairs. My mind went straight to finances. First, what does a family of 5 ride in? Next, my youngest son was graduating from daycare in May. He was finally headed to public school and for the first time in 7 years, I would be free from a daycare bill. Not to mention, Austin had finally started sleeping in his own bed 3 years prior. Do you how much pain it is to wake up with the heel of a 2 year old's foot in your eye? You can't fall back asleep and have to be up for work in 2 hours. I would like to end this entry by saying that I love my kids and I'm going to love this one just as much. I just wasn't ready. 😢
SYAD! ACCEPT YOU'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!
So after my dad left Texas, I moped around the house for another 5 days and unbeknownst to me, joy was on the way. I was leaving March 31st headed to Riveiera Del Maya, Mexico to celebrate my birthday. Me and my wife agreed to have fun and not indulge in pessimistic conversations about what the future could look like with a newborn in our 40's. And that's exactly what we did! We didn't talk about it at all. We relaxed and enjoyed time away from the kids. Prior to leaving Mexico, we were required to take a COVID test to re-enter the United States. Me and my wife walked down to the testing location at the resort and took the test. After, we sat in the lobby and laughed with two other couples. The nurse told each of the couples you both are negative. Have a safe flight back. She told me and my wife to come with her. She said my wife was negative, but I was positive. My heart sank. I immediately wondered: How was this possible? You know we had played "mama and daddy" all weeekend. So I told her to go home and I'd be okay. I was scared as hell. I didn't know if I would get sick and have to go to a Mexican hospital or what! We complain about America but let them say you can't return! When you get back, you'll be signing the National Anthem like crazy. "Hey Siri, play Whitney Houston's version of the Star Spangled Banner!" The resort comp'd my stay and I still had all privileges but they moved me to the COVID wing. This wasn't half as nice as my original ocean front preffered suite. When me and the bell hop arrived, I asked him, "Where's my key?" He said, you don't get one. You can't leave your room. So I had to sit there for 5 days and quarantine. I knew this was a sign from God, because I said I wasn't thinking about the baby on my birthday trip. God said, "Watch This, Watch this!"
The time alone made me come to grips with having another child. I had to reactivate my faith and know that I could handle this. No matter how low I've been in life, He's always provided me with what I needed. It wasn't that we couldn't afford to have another child, it was more about me being selfish. That week I got it together. I made up my mind I was getting a vasectomy too. This would be the last time I get this news. The urologist must get this poison out my body!
Gender Reveal Gone Wrong!
I was sitting at my desk and my wife called. She's hysterical. Crying and gasping for breath. I said, "What's wrong?" She continued to cry to the point that she couldn't talk. I continued to ask what's wrong, what happened? She still couldn't talk. I knew she had went to doctor earlier that day, so I thought it may have been some bad news about the baby. As she continued to cry loudly, I hung up the phone and walked I outside. I had to calm myself down and say a quick prayer. It was evident something bad happened. I didn't know if something had happened to her, the baby, one of the other kids, or a family member. After I got myself together, I called her back and she told me. She advised the office she didn't want to know the gender of the baby. I assume she wanted to do a gender reveal party with the pink and blue smoke for the GRAM. "A WASTE OF MONEY!" Well, after she had left the doctor's office, a staff member called her for some additional information and this airhead ended the call by saying, "Congratulations on your little boy." My wife said, "BOY?" Her file should have said we didn't want to know the gender. The staff member was apologetic but it was too little, too late. That's when her breakdown in the car began. I asked my wife her whereabouts and if she needed me to come get her. She said she was sitting in our garage and she was about to go in the house and lay down. After the call, I began pacing in the parking lot at work, mad as hell. I kept saying to myself, "She's disappointed because it's a boy. I DIDN'T want more kids PERIOD. BOY OR GIRL!" Shout out to the chick at my wife's OB office for saving me about $2K - $3K on a gender reveal party. I can imagine both us looking disappointed as hell watching that blue smoke pop out of the roman candle or whatever reveal she would've decided on. I can't lie, the hope of having a little girl did make the whole situation a little more bearable. I wanted to name her Autumn. 😢
Baby Shower for WHAT?
Having your first child can cause a lot of nervousness, yet excitement. You wonder if you’ll be a good parent? You over purchase clothes and toys in the first trimester. I know I did. My son had Jordans, Baltimore Ravens, and Alcorn State apparel before I knew his gender. We decorated extravagant baby nurseries with cartoon themes. We took pregnancy photos for both sons. Fellas if you’ve never taken pregnancy photos with your child’s mother, let me tell you what to expect. You will spend 4 hours of your morning with a photographer directing you on 100 ways to touch, hold, and kiss your wife’s stomach. I was annoyed as hell. At some point, I wanted to scream, “I just kissed her stomach 25 times in the last outfit. Now you want me to do the same kisses another 25 times in different clothes?!” @#$%&* Please keep in mind I did this for both of my older sons. The only difference the second time, was the oldest son had to kiss her stomach too! He was also annoyed. The other thing we did was have multiple baby showers. We had coworker baby showers, friends in Los Angeles showers, and family in Texas and Mississippi showers. After my second son, I was showered out. Needless to say when you find out you’re having a 3rd child, the new parent excitement diminishes. My wife didn’t want to take pregnancy photos and didn’t care about a baby shower. All I could think about was all the nice baby stuff we gave away thinking we were done. We didn’t think we were going to have more kids, but as DJ Khalid would say, GOD DID! No matter how many times we told the mother-in-laws we didn’t want a baby shower, they weren’t hearing it. We went back and forth with both of them explaining we would be okay. Finally I had to put my foot down. WE ARE NOT HAVING A BABY SHOWER!!!
11-11-22
My boy Richie is a season ticket holder for the New Orleans Saints. We had been planning to attend the game vs the Ravens together for almost 2 years. It was a Monday Night game scheduled for 11/7 and I couldn't wait. He said the ticket was on him. All I needed to do was buy the drinks. My wife told me the baby’s due date was 11/11/22. WHYYYYYY? She carried my oldest 2 sons to full term and had to be induced. These boys were too comfortable in the uterus. They both had to be evicted. I said this can’t happen again! This is her 3rd pregnancy. Surely the other two cleared the canal for the 3rd one. So he’ll come around the first or mid-October. By 11/7 he’ll be a month old and both grandmothers would be here to help with him. I could fly out Monday before the game and return on the first flight back Tuesday. WRONG! Just like the other two, baby #3 had to be evicted too. Well, at least the Ravens won the game.
@mariongotjokes Ravens 27 - Saints 13… we decide to celebrate New Orleans style. 🎷Do whatcha wanna! ☂️☂️☂️🖤💜 #W#WhoDatR#RavensNationR#RavensFlockC#CourtyardFanContestcourtyardhotels @Baltimore Ravens ♬ original sound - mariongotjokes
We checked into the hospital Wednesday night, 11/09 for the induction. I did not want him to come that day. I preferred 11/11/22. It was something magical and lucky about the numbers. 11+11=22. My wife wasn’t trying to hear that. This young man was a kicker and was giving her ribs and internal organs the business. I guess she was in pain. Like I said before, this kid had to be evicted. I got my wish though. At 12:10 am, Amari Johan Kendrick was finally here. I didn’t cry when either of my other sons were born, but seeing Amari for the first time brought me to tears. I guess for 9 months I had been on an emotional rollercoaster about having another child. Something about his birth gave me peace. Johan means God is gracious. I immediately thanked him for a healthy baby boy, a new heir, and a 3rd King. His first day was very peaceful and he mostly slept. We were elated.. thinking he was not going to be anything like his brothers. Maybe he’ll sleep through the night? WRONG! The next day he straight clowned. All the newborn memories from the first 2 kids resurfaced. This guy is no different. On top of that, me and my wife conversed about daycare costs again. She told me it would be $260 a week!!! How could daycare in Texas be more than in Los Angeles? The nurse asked us what are we naming him. I said Denali, which means, I can’t get one because of him. Ask me if am I getting a Vasectomy. HELL YES! All jokes aside, Amari has been a blessing to our family. Unlike his older brothers, he sleeps completely through most nights. He only cries when he's hungry and loves to smile and laugh. I'm smiling while typing this because I'm thinking about his smile. That's my "Lil Buddy". I'm just concerned about him starting school and his friends thinking I'm his granddaddy but that's another story for another day.
’Twas the Night Before Vasectomy
Tomorrow is clipping day and I’m scared as hell. I’m considering calling in sick for my appointment. This is my second time scheduling a vasectomy and we all know the consequences if I don’t go.
SW-ALLZ
The procedure wasn’t as bad as I thought. I saw the smoke everyone told me about. I guess I didn’t smell any burning because I got sinus problems. I had to chill around the house for 3 days and keep a pack of frozen peas on my “SW-ALLZ”, Swollen Ballz. The local anesethia did wear off at one point and I had to pop one of the pain pills. I became very protective of my midsection for the next 3 months. I just felt like everything was delicate. I also recommend the frozen peas at Target. Not for eating, but if you ever suffer from Sw-allz, they come in handy.
@mariongotjokes Check out the documentary: https://marionkendrick.blogspot.com/2023/06/the-road-to-vasectomy-big-test-icles.html Finally went through with a vasectomy. If my wife tell me she’s pregnant again, there will be a for sale sign in the yard. #victorydance #vasectomy #comedy #jokes #menshealth #menreproductivehealth #reproductivehealth #marionkendrick #comedian #losangeles #atlanta #dallas #washingtondc #improv ♬ original sound - mariongotjokes
